one year ago..God is good

so I see it's been a while since I've written on here. It really went by fast. What a contrast to last year! I'm thinking a lot about it today because it's the anniversary of my first day on bed rest. Part of me just wants to forget all about it, but when I do stop and think about it, I can see God's faithfulness, and it makes me so thankful for His goodness in the midst of difficulty and in giving Evan to us. I Most of that 3 months just runs together in my memory like one long (though not as long as it seemed at the time) dream, but what is still clear in my memory is May 11, 2009. It started out like a usual Monday for me at the time. I had a Dr.'s appt. that day, and Joel and I went to Nashville for that. Av would meet us there and we would go out to lunch afterward. I rather looked forward to it. The appointment went as usual, nothing concerning, but since I mentioned that I'd felt something a little different that week, the Dr. ordered an ultrasound, (which wasn't really a big deal...I think it was like my 10th one so far.) So, we went down there and Av and they got me right in, so Av and Joel just stayed in the waiting room, since it was just going to be real quick. Normally the ultrasound techs don't say much during an ultrasound, but this one was quite talkative. She said "Does your Dr. have you on bed rest?", and I was like "No"...and then she said "oh, well, he will after he sees this, you better go straight back up there." All of a sudden time stood still, and dread and fear just overtook me. I was alone and in shock. We were supposed to be going to lunch and then HOME like every other time, not this. I think I was pretty much as white as a sheet when I came back in the waiting room, and Av could tell that something was wrong. If I remember correctly I could barely even speak. I was only in my 22nd week, and I knew that bed rest now probably meant from now 'till the end. Questions just kept popping up, like "What will happen to Joel of I can't take care of him?", "have they caught it early enough?" Will the baby be ok?" Will I have to stay in the hospital?" "How did this happen?, I thought seeing specialists would make a difference." As I think back on this day, I imagine what Joseph must have been thinking when his brothers sold him as a slave. He must have had question like these. And yet, the same God who was with Joseph, and kept him, and worked out good from so much difficulty, was with me also. And though i don't know exactly what God's purpose was in having me laying in a bed for 3 months, I do know that somehow it was out of love for me and for my good. I really struggled to see the purpose at the time. It seemed like what I wanted was better than this. I wanted to serve my family, and to be a good Mom for Joel, and now I would be unable to do anything, but would have to rely on others to serve me. I wouldn't have chosen that for myself, but God did. I wouldn't have planned it that way, but God is the one whose plans come to pass. I may not know why, but I know Him, and I know that he is good. This passage is coming to mind, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9). I am thankful that although God can do whatever He wills, He has promised to do what is ultimately for the good of his people--even me. As I think back now, i can see how God loved me through that difficult time. He didn't have to provide a helper to watch Joel (not just any helper, but an able and gracious one), but He did. He didn't have to bring people to visit with me and to love me. but He did. No one forced Him to keep that little baby perfectly safe and healthy, but He did that as well. It's as if He were saying:

Fear not, for I have redeemed you.

I have summoned you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned,

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD, your God,

the Holy one of Israel, your Saviour...(Isaiah 43:1-3)

He surely brought us through the fire unburned for his glory. (I couldn't have planned it better myself)

I am overwhelmingly thankful to all those who helped out during that time, and for av, who stepped up and did so much, and for Evan, my sweet, little treasure. You were worth it all!