I was going to write about the boys, but I guess I had to get out what was really on my mind first. I did want to mention that Sunday night Joel had another croup episode (well, actually more than one), and though we tried everything we knew to do, he was still struggling to breathe, so Av took him to the ER. I think this is the third time we've had to take him for that. Anyway, it was a very long night, but he is doing much better. I just wanted to say that i am very thankful for my wonderful husband. Even though, it is so very hard to see your child suffer like that, it was a blessing to see Av's tender compassion and love. (So if you're reading this...Thank you for not complaining about losing sleep, or having to miss half a day of work. Joel is blessed to have you for his Daddy:)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
"...reaching forward..."
It's a good thing when you see more and more of your sin, right? This past week I've felt like Paul when he said "I have the desire to depart and be with Christ-which is far better." Why? Do I want to get away from some circumstances, or trials?...no, however, I do feel a deep longing to get away from myself, or more specifically, from my sin. Have you ever had a day where you thought "Why is it that it seems every moment I am being tempted to sin...is there no rest from it?" or every time you turn around you're having to apologize for a sharp word, or an impatient spirit. Not to mention all of the ungrateful thoughts. I think one of I my most repeated phrases last week was "Please forgive Mommy for talking that way...that doesn't please God, I don't want to be like that." And I really don't. In fact, before I speak, I often think "okay, try not to sound upset"...and then the words come out sounding upset, because well, I am upset. "...For the desire to do what is good is within me, but there is no ability to do it." (Rom.7:18) I am thankful for the quiet moments when I can reflect and repent. I think God allows me to have miserable days like these to show me how desperately dependent I am on his grace and power. So, my verse for this new week: "...But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus." (Phil.3: 13-14)
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Apryl, your post nearly made me tear up. I can so relate to how you feel! Wow. Wednesday was a pretty difficult day for me. I was grumbling, complaining, just flat out sinning all day. I was so providentially put in Cheryl and Jane's prayer group on Wednesday night. They had some really good things to say. I will share them with you the next time we have a chance to chat. :) And thanks for the verses, those are helpful! Hope you have a smooth day and the Lord grants you the much needed help as a mom.
ReplyDeleteTiffany
Apryl, after reading your post, I found myself reliving the years I spent in frustration over the same thing you shared and likely even remember. I had my share of "impatient days", tearful times when I felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything good for you guys or myself. I remember the nights I would cry myself to sleep wondering what to do or try next with my "very stubborn children". :) Sanctification can sometimes be a long, slow process. We seem to have to "relearn" the same lessons over and over again. But now, with three of my 5 children grown, I sit back in awe of God, of His goodness, His faithfulness. His very personal workings in each of your lives. In spite of all the mistakes your dad and I made, the Lord is still completing the "good work He had begun in you" and will continue to every day of your life. I encourage you to keep laying it all at His feet. One day you will look up and there will be your children, all grown and walking with the Lord and you will realize the same thing I did. They are His and He will be faithful to them even when you don't always do it right...when I am weak, He is strong! I love you sweetie and I am VERY proud of how you are training and raising up your children for the Lord.
ReplyDeleteMom
Apryl, thank you so much for posting this. Your humility and desire to follow God is truly encouraging and inspiring to me.
ReplyDeleteYour Mom's comment was also very encouraging. Thanks Vera, for sharing as well!